How to Powerfully Shut Down ‘Mansplaining’ at Work

What is ‘Mansplaining’?

Before we can learn how to powerfully shut down mansplaining at work, we need to know what it is. So, what is ‘Mansplaining’? According to Merriam-Webster’s definition it is ‘to explain something to a woman in a condescending way that assumes she has no knowledge about the topic’.

Now, some men have argued that they are ‘just trying to help’. Missing the entire point, that women didn’t ask for their help, they volunteered. They volunteered information because they assumed women did not know the information and felt obligated to correct the situation. Even if it is that woman’s area of expertise, they just assume as a man that they are far more knowledgeable. Which is mansplaining in a nutshell.

Unfortunately, Mansplaining has become a societal norm due to lack of confrontation, which is why it continues to this day. So much so, that some men genuinely do not realize they are doing it! So, we as women, need to educate them and SHUT IT DOWN!

Types of Mansplaining

Let’s learn about the three different types of Mansplaining. The more we know the more we can course correct.

1. Condescending – when speaking to a woman in a condescending tone out of sense of superiority, commonly due to sitting higher on the org chart they must know more than you, arrogance, can sometimes be a characteristic of a bad boss
2. Clueless – continue to push inaccurate knowledge as though its fact but in reality they are clueless, and others accept it as educated knowledge, basically they are your classic ‘know it all’s’ that know very little
3. Dominant – they interrupt, take credit for something you said, try to reexplain something you said, strictly behaving this way to insert their dominance over you, intentional

How to Shut Down Mansplaining

So, what are some ways we can powerfully shut down mansplaining at work? Below is a list of ways to combat this behavior, provided with examples of mansplaining at work and appropriate responses.

Don’t Ignore It!

Many women don’t want to ‘cause drama’ or ‘cause a scene’, particularly at work, so they let the comment or tone slide. STOP! STOP! STOP! Call the behavior out in the moment. The reason it has continued all this time is because it wasn’t shut down as it was happening. It’s disrespectful and unprofessional and you need to speak up. What better way to educate, than in the moment.

Ignore the Imposter Syndrome feeling creeping in, you know what you are talking about, that is why you were the one originally speaking, so don’t let yourself be a barrier to your own success as well.

Calm Confidence

As much as you may be seething inside by the casual display of disrespect just tossed your way, keep your cool. If you raise your voice, you will be displaying poor emotional intelligence and what you are saying will not be heard. Cooler heads prevail. Take deep breaths before responding. Part of remaining calm is tapping into your self confidence and know that what you have to say is important and of value.

Take Control of the Conversation

Ensure that if you are interrupted while speaking as a subject matter expert, which is usually how this behavior occurs, be sure to calmly call it out and take back control of the conversation. A helpful guide in navigating difficult conversations is How to Win Friends and Influence People. I encourage a read. Always be respectful with please and thank you (don’t want to stoop to their level), but don’t let them get the upper hand. Refocus back to what you were saying. It is ok to just ask them to stop talking and just listen. Below are some example responses you can start with:

• I’d appreciate it if you would wait to hear everything I have to say before you give your response. Thank you.

• Your suggestion is noted, however…

• I believe I shared that idea with you and the group yesterday, are you seeking some clarification?

• I’d be more than happy to walk you through the steps and explain why your idea will not work and or is inefficient after I am finished speaking.

Ask for Evidence

So at this point you have chosen to speak up, being calm and trying to redirect the conversation, but to no one’s surprise this individual keeps going and does not get the hint. This is an opportunity to educate the individual engaging in this behavior.  It will be important at this point to focus on facts. This is also a perfect time to flex your knowledge and point out errors or flaws in their suggestions or theories. It’s perfectly acceptable to remind the room of your expertise and qualifications as well. Below are some examples of responses you can start with:

• Where in the plan/spreadsheet/presentation do you see an error? 

• I noticed you were confused about XYZ. Here are some resources you should look into to get better acquainted with this subject matter.  

• Thank you for your insight, can you share with us where you received your facts from?

• What are you hoping to accomplish with sharing this expertise?

Sarcasm is your Friend

Sarcasm is an art form, if you do it right it’s amazing, but if you do it wrong you can come across like an ass. It’s like walking a tight rope so be careful. So, if you are not familiar with this work of art like I am, then you may want to skip this step. If you are familiar with and understand how to maneuver it, then this is the perfect opportunity to use it. Some examples of responses you start with below:

• Thank you so much for sharing your expertise on XYZ and here I thought I was hired to provide this expertise, having a degree in XYZ and all.

• Thank goodness for John’s interruption while I was speaking, helping us establish why John’s suggestion to do XYZ will not work.

• There must be a particular reason you feel the need to interrupt me, why?

• Feeling bold then the truth: John, the fact that you chose to interrupt me on a topic I am well educated in, provide commentary that was not asked, masking it with the illusion of expertise, while using a condescending tone is what we call mansplaining. It is unprofessional and disrespectful. Id appreciate it if you would recognize my expertise and stop interrupting.

Support Other Women

The fastest way to powerfully shut down mansplaining at work is to find allies to support you. They support you and you support them. Allies can be men too, anyone willing to address the behavior in the moment. Its important for you to do the same for your female colleagues and friends. Support for others is a great example of leadership as well. Some examples below:

• Interesting suggestions John, but Jane is a subject matter expert on this subject, so I’d like her to weigh in on this matter.

• I believe Jane noted this yesterday. Could you repeat what you said so we are all on the same page?

• John please do not interrupt Jane when she is speaking, let her finish.

• Feeling bold: John why do you constantly interrupt Jane when she is speaking? You are not the subject matter expert here. Not to mention there are many flaws with your suggestion. Try listening to her and you will learn more.

Walk Away

Know when to walk away. We have all met that person that no matter what you say they are too stubborn to admit to anything. Some men will apologize and say they didn’t realize it and will do better. That’s great as that’s the goal, education. Some men will become defensive and not want to learn. Don’t continue to argue or fight with them or banter back and forth. End it professionally. Walk away. Sometimes the power of ‘no’ not dealing with this today is all you need. Some comments they may say demonstrating they have no intention of making a change are below.

• I was just trying to help

• Why are you being so sensitive?

• Why are you getting so emotional, it was just one suggestion/comment

• I wasn’t interrupting, I was simply stating an alternative solution

• She is not the only one with expertise and I will share when I feel appropriate.

Harassment

Typically these men will not learn from being called out, it will just piss them off, as the feel they are entitled to this behavior. Society has taught them that this is ok and that they are not in the wrong. You will have to learn to manage a work relationship like that, learn when to move on. Move on in the meeting or conversation as the professional you are, but don’t forget! This habitual behavior can also be considered harassment.

Be sure to document each occurrence that takes place where you felt this individual was displaying sexist behaviors. Document if this employee ever behaves the same way with his male counterparts. Also document if this happens to other female coworkers in your presence. The more evidence the more of a case you have to prove he has created a hostile work environment. This can lead to disciplinary action, and/or termination.

In conclusion, we have discussed how to powerfully shut down mansplaining at work by first explaining what mansplaining is. Then we discussed different types of mansplaining so you can better recognize patterns to best course correct. Next we discussed the different way to shut down mansplaining by not ignoring it and addressing it in the moment, to remain calm while you take back control of the conversation and then ask for evidence of their ‘expertise’. Feel free to use sarcasm while attempting to explain your point. Continue to support other women in similar situations and seek out allies. Finally we learned to know when to walk away from a situation.